In my years of practice as a clinical psychologist I have often reflected on the concept of authentic happiness and what it takes to achieve this coveted and elusive emotional state. Happiness is clearly a highly subjective concept with different implications for different people. The psychological literature on happiness is exhaustive; in fact a simple google search on the word will bring forth a dizzying array of colorful and creative author blogs, traditional scientific studies, interactive seminars, spiritual retreats, podcasts, webinars, professional workshops and self help books dedicated to the subject.

In today’s world of technologically savvy social media experts we are inundated with life coaches, spiritual leaders, psychotherapists, authors, bloggers and gurus who claim to hold the key to internal bliss and eternal fulfillment. They seduce us with catchy phrases and sound bites such as live your life with increased passion; align yourself with your goals and dreams; act with truth and authenticity; honor your values and beliefs, follow the secret; create a future vision; and the list goes on and on. I am guilty of the same as my business motto in my private practice is Live, Dream and Thrive. I promise to coach people towards inner peace and fulfillment by teaching them to trust their inner voice, follow their passions and listen to the voice of their soul. What I have found over the years is that a person can do none of these things unless they make a conscious choice to do so.

How do we navigate our way through the rich and often overwhelming vortex of information swirling around us - information that promises to lead us to the land of everlasting pleasure? Happiness is really no more than a conscious choice. Sure, grief and loss are a part of living. However when all is said and done, we do have a choice in the matter. I am fortunate to know a sturdy, kind and compassionate woman with a graceful demeanor and a delightful presence that lights up any room. Over the past year, cancer has gradually eaten away at her physical body. Even so, despite her illness I have seen her beautiful spirit thrive and endure. She continues to work in her garden, socialize with friends and talk optimistically about her future. She has made a choice not to allow her physical illness to overtake her mind or poison her soul. Just last week she was carried away in an ambulance due to excruciating pain. However she refused to spend the night in the hospital and the very next day she was headed for her car, dressed to the nines in pretty clothes and jewelry to match. She made a choice to stay at the helm for as long as she possibly can.

As I explore the unfamiliar landscape of middle age in the dawn of my fourth decade of life, I have come to take pleasure in the simple things in life like the sensation of my bare hands digging into the moist earth to plant flowers or the pride I feel when the colorful fruits of my labor- peppers and tomatoes and basil- adorn my garden like tiny treasures. My weekly jaunts to the local farmers market or heading to the beach with my playful Labrador, Charlie, always bring a smile to my face. Charlie loves life and he lives for nothing but the present moment. His wisdom is a shining example for all of us humans to follow.

Each week when I return to my yoga practice, I am reminded of the importance of living in the now. My body is my temple and I am in control of the thoughts that flow from the gray matter inside my head to the trillions of cells throughout my physical body. By controlling my thoughts I can maintain my physical and spiritual health. By the end of my practice I remember the essential truth that so often eludes me- the knowledge that true bliss comes from within. External circumstances, heartbreaks, disappointments and challenges may be an inevitable part of this journey, but it is me and only me at the helm of this ship. The same is true for all of us. When the currents of life threaten to yank us off course, all we can do is keep our eyes on the horizon, have faith in the moment and remember to breathe. A good friend of mine recently shared with me her philosophy on life. "Everything in life has a way of passing," she stated, "so when times get tough, remember that this too shall pass." How true this is! External circumstance will shift like the tides, but the heart and soul will always prevail. In the course of human history stories of strength, persistence and endurance abound- stories of how the weak, trapped and wounded not only survived horrific nightmares, but came out thriving and stronger for having been there.

One of my patients in the throes of anxiety and depression recently reported to me that her parents were Auschwitz survivors. Her mother became terminally ill when my patient was still quite young, forcing her into the role of caregiver at a relatively early age. As a grown woman she defines her own worth through her ability to provide and care for others and when she fears she is failing at this job, she questions her own right to be happy and retreats into a dark and lonely space. She was recently fired from her job and for the first time in her life she found herself faced with too much free time and the inability to provide financially for her family. She sought comfort through solitude and food, and she began to question her personal worth and competence. I reminded my patient of her unique history and heritage as the daughter of holocaust survivors. The courage, fortitude and determination that her parents relied upon to survive are qualities that also exist inside of her. I reminded my patient that she still has a choice in how she feels, and the same is true for all of us. Everything we need in order to find peace and joy and fulfillment already exists within us. When you are faced with moments of doubt try to remember the strength and perseverance of your ancestors or a beloved relative whose banner you carry.

In cases of biochemical depression and other mood disorders, medication can certainly help but this is only part of the equation. The rest is up to us. Once we learn to live in the present, celebrate the moment and find joy in the simple things in life, peace and happiness and fulfillment can be found in the most unlikely of places. When we constantly live in the past or project ourselves into the future, we miss the present and set ourselves up for pain and regret. The good news is that happiness is free, it is always available and there is plenty of it to go around. This journey passes by so incredibly fast and we tend to fear death the most when we sense we aren’t living our lives to the fullest. It is not the final destination that matters, rather, it is the journey that counts. Nobody and nothing can knock you off center without your consent, so why not stay at the helm and make it a journey worth traveling?