In case you missed it amid all the publicity surrounding the releases of Paris Hilton (technically a "catch and release") and the latest Harry Potter book, a group called The New7Wonders Foundation (that is really how they spell it) announced "The New 7 Wonders of the World." The wondrous seven were selected based upon over 100 million votes cast via an online survey. The contest was billed as the N7W campaign (cute) supervised by the N7W panel (too cute). Oh, really? Well, I say: 4GetIt!

I understand replacing the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, especially since six of them vanished from the face of the earth a couple millennia ago. Nothing remains. No gift shops, no little wonders in snow globes, and no snack shops with frozen wonder bars on a stick. All gone! Only the Great Pyramid of Giza remains. Sometimes I believe the other ancient wonders "existed" solely to bedevil us in school. Spelling Giza was hard enough and no one could spell The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus correctly. For extra spelling credit, try: King Maussollos, Persian satrap of Caria, for whom the tomb was constructed. So, I’m copasetic with the N7Wers’ cause. I just don’t like the outcome.

The new seven wonders announced on 7/7/07 (so cute I could squeal) are:

Chichen Itza, Mexico

Christ the Redeemer, Brazil

The Great Wall, China

Machu Picchu, Peru

Petra, Jordan

The Colosseum, Italy

The Taj Mahal, India

Fourteen other "finalists" were recognized although they did not make the starting seven lineup. These included: Hagia Sophia, Turkey; Kiyomizu Temple, Japan; and Neuschwanstein Castle, Germany. The N7Wites succeeded in retaining several spelling gremlins, as the new N7W list looks Way2Hard for me. However, my chief complaint is that the N7Whizzes omitted an obvious choice…that icon if the Interstate Highway system…that travelers’ treat…that wacky wonder right here in South Carolina…South of the Border.

South of the Border, you scoff. Well, let’s look at a few factoids, folks. Chichen Itza probably has a decent Mexican menu, but does it hold a jalapeno to The Hot Tamale or The Sombrero Restaurants at South of the Border? The view of Rio from the Christ the Redeemer statue may be nice, but is it as breath taking as the panorama of I-95 from the top of The Sombrero Tower? The Great Wall may be 4,000 miles in length, but does it measure up to the shopping splendor at South of the Border with its Africa, Mexico, Leather, and Myrtle Beach Shops? Can Machu Picchu hold a roman candle to Fort Pedro, the fireworks capitol of the U.S.? I’ll bet fireworks aren’t even sold at Machu Picchu, although they may have been at one time judging from the looks of the place today. The Collosseum once hosted gigantic games, but will you find a parachute drop, quadzilla, or bumper cars there now? Petra and The Taj Mahal are lovely edifices, but are you able to spend the night at either in an "heir conditioned" honeymoon suite?

No! No! Seven times, No!