Pluff Mud Chronicles
Yummy mummy or bummy mummy?
By TOM RATZLOFF
Feb 14, 2008 - 10:29:15 AM

The confident clack of stiletto heels striding down Publix’s Huggies aisle is your first tip-off:

You’ve entered the "Yummy Mummy Zone."

A yummy mummy is a woman who refuses to abandon glamor and sex appeal after childbirth. No frumpy Betty Crocker housedresses or soccer-mom sweatpants for these moms. Cutting-edge fashion and opulent jewelry are de rigueur.

The imperative is to be hip, thin and fashion conscious and gold-standard yummy mummy examples are celebrity moms such as Angelina Jolie and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

My inner feminist cringes at the notion of objectifying women and I don’t cruise Daniel Island wearing a stained raincoat and permanent leer. But I can’t help noticing how beautiful local women are. That said, I wondered if local residents think Daniel Island is a yummy mummy preserve.

"The yummy mummy phenomenon is alive and well here on Daniel Island," said Daniel Island Park resident Victoria Ubina, owner of Nine Yards Intl. and creator of the popular new fashion accessory, the Charleston Scarf. "...The socio-economic factor plays a big role. Once their husbands amass enough to live well on, the weight checks out and the big sunglasses check in. I’ve seen women transform like aliens within a matter of months once they get their piece of the rock on the ‘Parkside.’ I play tennis and see women at the gym. Moms today take their fitness very seriously and proudly display their Prada sunglasses and Manolo Blahnik shoes. But the rule of thumb is, ‘if you can’t flaunt it, don’t wear it,’ and only the hyper-thin know who they are and, generally, they stick together for mass appeal... It’s all very ‘Sex and the City’ around here."

Ubina said high heels are a yummy-mummy must, as are painted-on, hip-hugging jeans, and never wear one without the other.

"Oh, yeah, always talk about food but never eat it," Ubina added. "Take one bit of the dessert to appear sociable, but that’s it, no exceptions. Just do a lot of talking to disguise your full plate. And no carbs after 4 p.m., no matter how many pizza nights the rest of the family enjoys. Whether the husbands like it or not, it gets the job done for the big bucks. The yummy mummy is here to stay!"

Daniel Island hip-hop dance instructor Angel Roberts sees yummy-mumminess as a positive development.

"You know I am all for looking good and staying in shape," Roberts said. "I don’t think you you should throw in the towel just because you have kids. You already feel completely exhausted, fat and ugly after children, so why not fight it a little to make yourself feel better. I think some women forget their identity and just become ‘mom’ and then one day wake up and forget who they are. Sad, but true. Bottom line, give yourself a little time to look cute and you will feel so much better."

Penny Heater writes the "Penny Pincher" column for this paper. But as the parent of an exuberant toddler, she finds yummy mummyhood to be an elusive ideal. She wonders what these women look like when they’ve been up all night ministering to a 23-month-old who has an ear infection..

"I’m a yummy-mummy wannabe," she said. "I aspire to breeze into a Starbucks in high-heeled boots. I generally feel pretty yummy if today was one of my lucky ‘shower’ days, but I do still make time to highlight my hair and, most days, what I’m wearing is clean. Well, depending on your definition of clean. Maybe when my child is 5, I can be yummy."

Heater said stylish, fit men need a similar nickname. She suggests "hottie hubby."

"I nominate my hubby," Heater said. "He burns up the cul-de-sac!"

But leave it to intrepid reporter Elizabeth Bush – The Daniel Island News’ own Brenda Starr – to put the yummy-mummy phenomenon into perspective.

"Oh, no, yummy mummies? Just when I thought it was safe to go out of the house in sweatpants and a t-shirt!" Bush said. "While I do believe there is a time to dress to impress, I think us regular moms should be allowed to leave the heels at home and just be ourselves once in a while. There are so many ‘experts’ out there who like to tell us what it means to be sexy. I think it just comes down to whatever makes a mom feel good about herself. Bummy can be yummy, too."