Recognizing the signs of anxiety in kids

Editor’s Note: Once a month, we pose a question submitted by one of our readers to a local professional or expert regarding parenting issues. For this issue, a reader submitted a question about how to spot the warning signs of anxiety in kids. For the answer, we turned to local Licensed Professional Counselor Beth Matenaer.

QUESTION:

I am seeing signs of anxiety in my 13 year-old son. I worry because anxiety seems to be such a trigger for other mental health illness in today’s youth. How do I know when the signs of anxiety are significant enough to warrant seeking counseling?

ANSWER:

As teens navigate the developmental challenges of having one foot in childhood and one foot in adulthood, it is common for them to experience some anxiety. As your question illustrates, it can be confusing for a parent to know how much of this anxiety is “grist for the mill” or how much of it is indicative of a more serious mental health concern. When assessing whether or not to seek counseling for your son I would look at a few different areas.

How distressing is the anxiety for him?

Sometimes anxiety that adds a little pressure and creates changes in our behavior can be positive. For example, when it prompts us to study harder for a test or think about ways to make connections with new friends. However, anxiety that causes large amounts of distress and arousal can have a negative impact, causing us to put off studying for the test or avoid doing new social activities. It can be a challenge to determine if anxiety is helping or hurting. If your child is expressing distress to you about these feelings, having them work with someone to develop tools to regulate the emotion more effectively would be beneficial. In short, a little anxiety goes a long way and can even be helpful, but a lot can quickly become problematic.

Is the anxiety causing dysfunction?

Is it interfering with their ability to function in day to day tasks? Is the anxiety significantly changing the way that your child relates to the world? Often times with children and young adults, clues to their level of distress can be seen in their behavior. If you notice big changes in your child’s behavior and or personality this can indicate that they are having some trouble. Specifically, I would pay attention to their levels of avoidance and engagement. In adolescence some bouts of moodiness are very normal, but if your child begins to avoid things that they are passionate about or completely withdraws socially this would warrant getting a second set of eyes on them to assess if there is something significant that needs to be addressed.

Is the anxiety placing them in danger?

Certainly, any anxiety directly associated with placing your child in harm’s way, like threats of suicide or highly erratic behavior, should be addressed immediately. For most parents the fear is that they would not be able to make this determination if the threat was more covert. Having a professional engage with your child and understand and assess their emotional well-being can be helpful to you both.

Beth Matenaer is a Licensed Professional Counselor who works with adults, children, adolescents and families in the Charleston area. For more information about Beth, you may contact her through her website, www.bethmatenaer.com.