New year, new goals?
A new year is right around the corner and many of you may have already started thinking about what your resolutions will be. I don’t know about you, but I have never been very good at setting or keeping New Year’s resolutions.
I viewed resolutions as being a part of my “life purpose.” Resolutions were stepping stones to my life’s purpose - and what could be more important? I’d think about the idea and set one resolution (or maybe five if I was ambitious that year). I would attend workshops or read books about setting goals and writing mission statements. I’d spend lots of time and mental energy trying to come up with them and then promptly forget them. It was the same with writing mission statements and goals. I’d get started on working and reworking them, but then found that I was usually on to a new phase of my life before I could finish! My perfectionistic inner critic would be saying “that’s not it, keep working on it.” My life purpose became more and more elusive and more and more challenging.
At that point, I’d usually start organizing my closet. That was my “go to” distraction to make me feel like I was accomplishing something. Amazon here I come. There was a better system, a better way to do it, I just had to find it. Or a short cruise through Home Goods would do the trick.
Believe me, I tried…really tried. I viewed resolutions as really important goals, meant to guide my professional and personal life…this was big stuff! Remember that Stephen Covey planner that you had to attend a two-day workshop just to use? I was all over that one. I got a nice new pen, bought writing pads and made it (maybe) until the second week. Then that planner went the way of the planner for creative people, the planner for women who do too much, etc. I acquired quite a nice pile of planners.
But as I’ve aged (dare I say matured? Or acquired wisdom?), my life’s “to do lists” have gotten much simpler. My ideas about what’s important in life -- such as my possessions, house contents, neat closets, meaningless relationships, goals at work, clothes/keeping up with fashion -- have been simplified. Even my thoughts on New Year’s resolutions. I’m not going to make them.
A lot of things I may have thought were important before aren’t so important anymore. With the simplicity and change in priorities has come space and time, allowing for meditation and inner reflection. There has been a shift from “doing” to “being.” I may need to slow down and take care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually…ensuring more time for self-care, exercising and eating right. From that change has developed a deeper and more sincere connection to my authentic self and to feelings as well as empathy for others around me. I don’t have to find a “better way” or do more, faster, bigger or brighter. I just have to be me and accept a life of integrity rather than elusive perfection.
So, I think my New Year’s resolution for 2018 will be to be more authentically me. So how is that for an intention for one of us older folks? We don’t have to be perfect, strive for more or make more goals. Ahhh, I can breathe more easily now!
Maureen McNichols is a Certified Internal Family Systems Therapist and Licensed Professional Counselor at The Practice Place, 207 Simmons Street in Mount Pleasant. She has been practicing for over 10 years and holds a degree from National Louis University, located in Chicago, Illinois. Ms. McNichols specializes in relationship issues, depression and anxiety. Her clients include individuals, couples and families.