Help wanted: Looking for a few good moms

Description: In 2021, the role of a mother has been updated to include proficiency in a variety of fields that, up until the arrival of the coronavirus, did not typically fall under a mom’s responsibilities, including teacher, IT director, social distance coordinator, and stay-at-home worker.

 

Position: Mother/Mom/Mama/Task master

 

Hours: Full-time, all the time, 24-7 for the rest of your life

 

Salary: Technically an unpaid position. It’s probably best to think of this job as more of an investment, since you will be spending untold amounts of your own money to make sure your children have everything they need throughout the many stages of their lives. As most moms quickly realize, currency comes in different forms, and a smile from your baby or a hug from your too-big-for-his-own good third grader after a long day is priceless.  

 

Experience: None required! As they say, kids don’t come with handbooks, so having no idea what you’re doing and making it up as you go is the typical path toward motherhood. This is one job that gets better the longer you stick with it.  

However, it is recommended that moms become proficient in the following areas:

 

• Leadership skills: Be prepared to take charge in most situations when it comes to making executive decisions, such as deciding which fast food restaurant not to go to despite the demands of your starving children in the backseat.

 

• Organizational skills: From piles of school paperwork to overflowing closets, being organized is a skill every mother will benefit from.

 

• Flexibility: Responding to the fickle whims of toddlers or missing a playdate because of a meltdown, moms must be able to adapt to any last minute situation that arises. 

 

• Technical skills: Understanding YouTube, TikTok, Xbox, Roblox, Google Classroom, and most notably, knowing how to limit screentime on an iPad.

 

Opportunities for advancements: Although moms perform above and beyond expectations, they are not likely to receive the recognition they deserve from their team in real time. But this position is all about long-term goals, so moms can take comfort in knowing will likely get tributes and accolades for their contributions years after the fact.

 

Education: Regardless of your degree or profession, a mom must know everything about her child’s education, for example: choosing the right preschool, knowing the difference between a charter and magnet school, staying up to date with school board decisions, being a classroom or PTA volunteer, knowing what a MAP test is.

 

Physical requirements: Must be able to carry a newborn in a car seat carrier in one arm and wrangle a 2 year old with the other arm, most likely somewhere inconvenient such as the 

grocery store or the farmers market.

 

Benefits: Much like the salary, the benefits of being a mom extend beyond your traditional 401K or IRA. Often unquantifiable, the benefits of being a mom can be hard to measure: realizing that the tiny human you birthed has taught you to be a better person; seeing the world through the eyes of your children; knowing that you can do more than you ever thought on the least amount of sleep; having a family to love and support and share the joy and sadness of life together; teaching your kids the values that matter most to you and fostering their curiosity for the world around them; helping them navigate the trials of adolescence with perseverance and grace; raising the next generation to be stewards of the earth and contributing members of society who care about others.

 

Despite the challenges and intensity associated with this position, most moms describe having a high level of happiness and satisfaction when it comes to on-the-job performance.