How good are you at kissing?

When I told my wife what my next column was about, she started to laugh, then turned to me and said: “You know, I’m going to get the question.” To which I responded: “Do me a favor and lie.” She laughed, again. 

 

Of all the words that describe a kiss, my favorite is smooch. It’s fun, particularly if you elongate the “oooooo.”

 

As for elongation, have you ever tried the six-second kiss?

 

“There are a lot of Gottman principles we recommend using on a daily basis with your partners,” explains Kari Rusnak, in a piece for The Gottman Institute, “I think the six-second kiss is the easiest. There doesn’t have to be talking, listening, or problem-solving. It’s just a time to connect with your partner physically and feel close to them. It also accomplishes a lot of principles and needs in our relationship in only six seconds.”

 

Lips are like fingerprints, says writer Xavia Malcolm, who adds these notable traits: lips never sweat (no sweat glands), they’re the only part of the body where the inside extends to the outside (never thought about that!), and they have over one million nerve endings.

 

Do all humans kiss? Apparently not. “Darwin himself noted that there are cultures in which kissing is conspicuously absent,” according to Jason Goldman, in an article for bbc.com. And the so-called Eskimo kiss? Says Goldman: “It isn’t actually about rubbing noses, as early Arctic explorers thought, but about sniffing – exchanging scents.” 

 

Bring on the Oxytocin

Breanna Mona explains that “Kissing activates your body’s feel-good chemicals (even if you’re not a hormonal teen). Oxytocin, aka the ‘love hormone’ (and not to be confused with the painkiller OxyContin), is connected to trust and attachment. Dopamine is connected to satisfaction and motivation, and serotonin is a mood stabilizer.” 

 

Adrienne Longhurst, writing for healthline.com, takes it several steps further, saying that in addition to relieving stress and anxiety, kissing can help soothe headaches, reduce cortisol, ease an allergic response, and (get ready for this) tone your facial muscles. 

 

An exciting excursion into the sensual? That’s how psychologist Joy Davidson describes it, as quoted by Jeanie Lerche Davis in her piece for webMD.  And professor Helen Fisher, according to Davis, says simply: “Kissing helps your state of mind.” 

 

“How to Kiss Like a Pro”

That’s Mona’s provocative headline, who then urges us to heed the words of Dr. Shannon Chavez, licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. Key for Chavez? Being “emotionally present.”

 

Mona quotes Chavez: “Don’t rush and think of kissing as just foreplay to sex – really enjoy kissing as an activity in and of itself.” And when you and your partner aren’t fully connected? Rather than criticizing, says Chavez, perhaps try “Here’s something that definitely works for me,” or “That was great. I’d also like a little bit more of this.”

 

Let your lips linger, keep your lips soft and your breath fresh, if you don’t moisturize your lips, now might be the time to start – those are tips from Nikki Campo and Gigi Engle, writing for self.com.

 

Campo and Engle quote therapist Chamin Ajjan: “If you’re able to shift focus to your partner, kissing becomes a mindful activity where you’re tuning into your senses and theirs, which can make the moment more fun and satisfying.”

 

Short vs. Long Relationships 

How different is kissing in short vs. long relationships? Oxford University researchers surveyed 900 adults to find out.

 

“In short relationships, survey participants said kissing was most important before sex, less so during sex, was less important again after sex and was least important at other times. In committed relationships, where forming and maintaining a lasting bond is an important goal, kissing was equally important before sex and at times not related to sex.”

 

The Best Kissers? 

They adapt, they’re slow and steady, they communicate, they’re gentle.

 

“Think of a kiss as a conversation” offers writer Gen Van Heuvelen, who adds: “In its fully realized form, kissing is an alternate language.” 

 

The best kisser? Says Ajjan: “The best kisser is one who pays attention to their partner, is willing to try types of kissing that make both of them happy, and maybe also carries around a handy stash of mints.”