How good a translator are you?

Editor’s note: This is the first of a 3-part series on the Power of Words.

 

Time to put aside sticks and stones. Words hurt.

 

When a parent, colleague, friend, relative, or child tells you you’re being selfish – or arrogant, naïve, reckless, pessimistic, immature, judgmental, to name a few – it hurts. And often the hurt lingers far longer than physical pain. 

 

Writes Regina Peacock, in a piece for therapyden.com, “If you tell a young child they will never amount to anything, and they believe it, they will grow to lack confidence in their capabilities, develop a hopeless mentality, and fail to rise to their fullest potential.”

 

Adds Peacock, “The implications of ‘words’ on psychological well-being (are) one of the most overlooked concepts in mental health.”

 

Asks Larry Hart, writing for ceotribe.com: “Have you ever felt that someone’s comment was like a slap in the face? You’re not so far off. Research shows that the brain responds with lightning speed – and a release of dozens of stress hormones – when confronted with negative words.”

 

An Internal Translator

Experts offer a variety of ways to diminish the psychological impact from the words we hear, and I’m here to suggest one more: creating an internal translator which enables you to quickly rescript the literal words. 

 

When a teenager tells their parents, “You never let me stay out late,” your translator might remind you how important it is for her to be with her friends, to feel part of the group. 

 

When a friend says: “You never want to go out,” your internal translator might think: “I love the fact that you’d like to spend time with me.”  

 

When a neighbor offers, “You’re always so angry,” our translation might read, “I don’t see myself that way, perhaps you’re seeing frustration, which we all experience from time to time.”  

 

The fact is, when someone says something about you, it’s quite often about them – their insecurities, vulnerabilities, or a hurt they feel inside. 

 

Don’t Reject, Don’t Embrace 

Years ago, I came across an aphorism that’s stayed with me for decades – it goes like this: When a person says something about you, don’t immediately reject it, and don’t immediately embrace it. 

 

Instead, take time to review, to ask yourself, “Am I being childish, or rude, or jealous?” Perhaps. And perhaps not. Once you’ve given it a shake, if the words don’t fit, try to let ’em go (hard though that may be). And if there’s something worth a second look, feel free to take it, and decide if there’s something you wish to change. 

 

A strong, vibrant, internal translator has the power to both build, and strengthen your relationships. Give it a whirl the next time you hear words that curl your ear or turn your stomach. 

 

I guarantee you’ll find it liberating.