Perfectly Imperfect

One day several years ago, when our family was going through an uncomfortable period of separation and divorce and when my three kids were in middle and high school, I wrote these words in pink and green magic marker on the back of a sheet of paper and put it on the refrigerator: “We have the perfect family. We are perfectly imperfect.”

I actually wrote it as a reminder to myself - based on a conversation I had with a counselor who noted that “everyone has something” and that being imperfect is universal – that we are all “perfectly imperfect.”

The next day, one by one, each child came into the kitchen and, much to my surprise, each separately did a double take, read the note, and proceeded to talk to me about it! It was as helpful a reminder to them as it had been to me - that we are good enough just the way we are. Since that time, I have posted other bits of “refrigerator wisdom” on the fridge in our home and have gotten varying types of reactions from my children.

For the list of 12 healthy power foods (including spinach, oatmeal, protein powder, berries), one child anonymously added “Dr. Pepper.” (I know it was you, Ben Detar!)

When I posted the question “Will this help or hurt my brain?” to ponder prior to opening the door to grab food (a suggestion recommended by author Daniel Amen), the universal reaction from my then high school and college aged kids was… a rolling of the eyes. They (especially Carly) think I am too conscientious about eating healthfully. Yet, from the conversations that ensued, I know they are aware that the food choices they make do affect their minds and their energy.

These three signs are still attached to our refrigerator by an assortment of magnets, some of them more than nine years old and some in quite an amount of disrepair – smudged and ripped but still visible. I actually had to rewrite the power food list and am somewhat sad to say that no one has added “Dr. Pepper” to the list this time around.

I’ve also added more signs over the years. Mom’s “refrigerator wisdom” has become legendary in our home, at least in my mind!

Sometimes the intent of my wisdom has backfired. When I posted, “Feel the fear and do it anyway,” a suggestion from Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles, as a motivator to step outside of my comfort zone and be more aggressive in growing my business, my high school aged son, Jackson, took it to mean that he should fear disobeying his mother but that he should do it anyway!

I don’t have any children living at home anymore. The messages I posted back then and still post today were always meant to serve as reminders to myself. Secretly, I always cherished the discussions that my signs often triggered in our family. I even cherished the time that Jackson ripped a sign down because he thought the content was directed at him, and he didn’t like the message!

Whatever the message attached to the refrigerator, the most important lesson I learned is that our children are watching and they are listening and they do care about what we think, how we live, and what we teach them.

So I am now writing “Refrigerator Wisdom” as a regular column in The Daniel Island News – and I’m sending it to my kids in Ohio, California and Australia. Who knows, my self-help notes may prompt some great conversations on Facebook messenger. Or, it may just trigger some long-distance eye rolling.

I urge you to post your own refrigerator wisdom. You can’t go wrong. After all, you are perfectly imperfect.